BOULDER...

I have a lot to say but I will try my best to keep my essay accurate, brief, and concise. I was diagnosed twelve years ago with Multiple Sclerosis, after spending two years ignoring my symptoms, while I was in graduate school.

I was fully aware that something was wrong but I wasn’t sure what, at first. I experienced numbness, tingling, vertigo, double vision, and balance problems. It was 1998, Google didn’t exist, and I was using a dial up computer to try and understand my symptoms. Finally, I came across something about MS that explained that symptoms would worsen with exposure to heat, such as in a warm bath. That is how I ultimately diagnosed myself. I climbed into my deep and awesome claw foot tub and the numbness in my legs got worse immediately. So, I just thought well there you go...that's it...MS.

In ignoring my illness, there was a method to my madness. I had over the past couple of years discovered my purpose in life, had gone back to school to finish my undergrad degree, and had applied to and was accepted into a graduate program at The University of Colorado at Boulder. I was determined not to let anything stop me from completing my degree and I knew my parents would have insisted that I move home if they knew I was ill. I had just escaped from Augusta, GA and was not going back!

It was quite a struggle to complete my degree but I did it with a 3.7 average. Considering how very ill I was at the time, I am very proud of my accomplishment. On top of vertigo, balance issues, and falling, the double vision I experienced prevented me from driving. I had to take the bus to campus while holding a hand over one eye just to function.  My 9-year old dog, Remus, developed arthritis as I was starting to develop MS symptoms. We were a sad, pitiful pair but very dedicated to and reliant on one another. I didn’t tell anyone about my symptoms for the next 3 years…nobody knew…only Remus, my dog.

During the time my symptoms were escalating, I did ask my father, who is a doctor if he thought I might have MS. He always reassured me that the chances of me having something like that were infinitesimal, which worked great with my denial. I asked if there was anything they could do for me if I did have it and he said no. To be fair he is an orthopedist not a neurologist and I wasn’t giving him all the information about my symptoms.

Fast forward to 1999…Remus and I packed our bags and moved to Atlanta. My symptoms continued and I got a job teaching at a residential, psychiatric treatment facility. In spite of the fact that I frequently lost control of my bowels while I was at or on my way to work, I loved the 5 years I spent working there. The children I taught were amazing but very high maintenance. They had severe emotional and behavioral problems. Diagnoses ran the gamut from paranoid schizophrenia, to pervasive developmental disorders, to severe bipolar disorder and they all had horrific histories of abuse. So, after being diagnosed in 2000, losing my 12-year old dog in 2001, ending a relationship in 2002, and working at the psychiatric hospital for 5 years, I burned out and moved on to a new job in 2004.